I hate you, smartphone!

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Something snapped today in my head. My Smartphone did not really factory reset itself, it just lost the sd-partition and fucked up some file permissions. By deleting an empty partition and restoring some permissions via clockworkmod I could access most of my data (at least the improtant stuff). The phone (HTC Desire btw.) never really worked well after it was hit by a heavy metal object with pointy ends. I replaced the cracked digitizer but messed up on gluing it in probably so dust is building up between the lcd and the digitizer. Sometimes it’s not ringing and it really got me upset by various bugs. I don’t know if it’s the cyanogen mod, the hardware or whatever. Since I carry it in my jeans pocket and don’t like extra shells it looks really torn up because sometimes it has to share the pocket with extra change, keys, bottle caps, …

I love to have the power of the interwebs at my disposal at any time. Especially combined with a gps and a compass. You are somehow unstoppable in an unknown town. But I hate it that the battery always runs low or is empty and that these things are not rugged at all. Also the screen size is to small to actually enjoy the thing and the size of the device is almost too large to put it in your pocket.

If you want to retain a proper condition to sell it after a year or so you have to handle it like a raw egg. From my point of view phones are more like tools, so they get an unintentional beating from time to time and I touch them with without washing my greasy hands before… Also the price of a decent smartphone actually would buy you a decent pad…

So I made a decision: I will buy a proper phone and a pad/tablet. Hmmm. iPad? Nope, I hate apple. Galaxy Pad? Nope, old processor, no hdmi. Nexus? Nope, no sd-card. Acer A700? Well, not too bad. But expensive and no gorilla glass. Asus Transformer Infitity? Well. It is expensive. But it’s supported by cyanogen mod, has hdmi, a sd-slot, gorilla glass and (drumroll) a keyboard. Now we are talking! Since my trusty T61 is also pretty used up I need a new notebook as well. I thought I’d go for a subnotebook but maybe the pad is the better choice… Ok, it runs android instead of ubuntu which means I can’t use it for software development. But when I do software development I need a decent resolution and screen size anyway so I could go for a bulky notebook. Hmm. Sounds worth a try… Uh. One moment. There is something vital missing.. IT HAS NO 3G! Are you fucking kidding me? 600+ smackers for a mobile device and no mobile internet? Alright, what else can I buy. Hmmm. The TF300TG Transformer has 3G. It’s 200€ less. Only an ordinary 1280×800 display. Asus, I really like your stuff, especially mainboards. But you just lost 200€ by not selling your top end pad with mobile internet in germany. I would have bought it. Really!

Anyways, lets order the cheap one…

 

 

Where is all the motivation gone… ?

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Not motivated to find a decent quote — Andi

I don’t get it. I bought a travel vehicle, had a nice weekend and i have one week of vacation to get stuff done. But I’m not motivated at all. Maybe it’s all the stuff to get done piling up. The pornstyler still runs like shit, I haven’t even had a thorough look on the travel vehicle yet. Yesterday my cellphone decided to factory reset itself. The last backup probably was some time ago because I can’t remember doing it. So data loss is expected… I have got plenty of organizational stuff (writing bills, quarterly tax declaration stuff, …) to do as well and I even have to clean my flat. I have to prepare the station wagon for sale. And I have to enjoy myself because I’m on vacation. Or at least off work…

Hmm. After writing that down I think I know why I’m not motivated. I’m thinking about all that stuff at once and I think I have to rush though all the points as fast as possible before I actually can enjoy myself. I’m not giving each point of the list the time it needs and I’m craving for fast success but only get disappointed. As an IT-Professional who loves agile software development I know the idea of “steady pace”: Do stuff at a velocity which you can maintain (almost) indefinite. It seems I have to prioritize all the stuff, estimate the duration of each task (if possible) set timeboxes for stuff which I can’t estimate (and life with / mitigate the fact that I don’t know if it will be “done” after the timebox has passed).

So much for vacation. My private life is a hard job as well as it seems… Maybe I really should go on vacation. Well, that’s “the plan” actually. But before that I have to get stuff done. And find the motivation. At least now I know how it has to be done. Thanks blogging for pointing that out. One step at a time…

Different faces, same person?

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“A good relationship is a lot like a car. If you want it to work smoothly, you gotta put a lot of work into it, and have the right tools.” — MacGyver

Sometimes when I look at the faces of people who have been very close to me I get the feeling that they are not the same person anymore. It’s the same faces, only a couple of years have passed but somehow that special something I loved about them is gone. I don’t know if my perception is playing tricks on me or they really changed.

Lately I was searching for a landscape photo and stumbled over some photos of my former girlfriend. I got very sad when I saw her face and thought about the good time we had. I met her a couple of days later, she told me what her plans for the next couple of months are, I did the same. To sum it up: I wouldn’t enjoy her plans and she wouldn’t be able to join mine (if we still were together). But the weirdest thing was when I looked her in the face and realized that “she” was gone. Same person, almost the same haircut, maybe two years passed since the photo was taken. Maybe it’s just that her way of looking at me changed. Not that open hearded, beloved look anymore. More distant, maybe even shy or scared.

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I found the picture a couple of days later. Originally I wanted to use it as the banner on the top of the page. But somehow I like the mountains better, life isn’t just black and white…

Since we are not together anymore we both changed our life. As far as I can tell both lives improved somehow. She found a guy who understands her much better and loves her for what she is and not for what she could be and made some progress job-wise. I haven’t been that lucky on the relationship side yet but at least I managed to get my ass off the couch, turn the TV off, come up with “the plan” and got a job to raise the funds to actually do it.

It’s been a hard time but now I know that splitting up was the right thing to do. We could (and probably still can) give each other so much. But on the other hand we stood in each others way by wanting our partner to change. But we both couldn’t.

I really hope that we can adjust our relationship accordingly and that one day I can look in her face and see a little bit of this special something that I miss and love her as a close friend for what she is and not for what I wanted her to be.

This “perception vs. reality” thing reminds me of the allegory of the cave by Plato. My perception is the wall, my head is the cave and the stuff going happening on the walkway the “real life”. But my reaction to the revelation of the setup would be quite different. I embrace change and I’m eager to understand how stuff works. And I will certainly fight slavery and cruel experiments any time…

Parts parts parts…

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I managed to get next week off. That means a solid ten days without work! But much hobby “work” todo, most of the parts for the pornstyler arrived…

Saturday I’ll have a look at a travel vehicle which (of course) would also need some love… But I won’t start before Monday, first it’s time to visit a good friend to relax and enjoy ourselves…

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The hour of the wolf

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“Have you ever heard of the hour of the wolf? My father told me about it. It’s the time between 3:00 and 4:00 in the morning. You can’t sleep, and all you can see is the troubles and the problems and the ways that your life should’ve gone but didn’t. All you can hear is the sound of your own heart. I’ve been living in the hour of the wolf for seven days, Lyta. Seven days. The wolf and I are now on a first-name basis. In times like this, my father used to take one large glass of vodka before bed. To keep the wolf away, he said. And then he would take three very small drinks of vodka, just in case she had cubs while she was waiting outside. It doesn’t work.”
—Susan Ivanova

 

After last night I was trying to remember this quote and now I found it. Luckily the visits of the wolf become less. Also I quit drinking on weekdays completely quite some time ago. It really is interesting how problems in life have the tendency to affect your body like a sickness. I should be aware of this signal and keep good care of myself. I think I should take a week of vacation to fix the pornstyler and relax.