Well, this is awkward…

(posted several weeks after writing, life is good again: new shared flat, back on a three day/week working schedule, …)

Over easter I spent some “me time” actually playing a computer game. Haven’t done that for quite a while, Wasteland 2 was the pick. Post Apocalyptic RPG (Role Playing Game), four Charakters which you can create by yourself. So I did the obvious and called them Hannibal, B.A, Templeton and Murdock. Some adjustments had to be made (no Planes / Helicopter to fly, no cars to drive) and the latter two became female body types, it’s 2015 after all. A couple of hours into the game I passed a fellow Team, the members named Peppard, Tureaud, Benedict and Schultz. Well, this was awkward…


Zwenkauer Lake, not connected to the post but nice anyways..

It’s interesting that I always resort to A-Team quotes wenn life is shitty. The realtionship mentioned in the last post actually ended in a rough patch. Luckily we identified the underlying conflict under our struggels and didn’t end fighting about unimportant stuff. But yeah, seems we both are not willing to change drastically enough so that stuff would work out. That one really helps with transition. Besides that I have to move out of my shared flat on short notice and started a new work project which doesn’t actually lighten up my mood at all for reasons which probably fall under a non-disclosure agreement. So life has been kinda shitty on these sides but I also have set things in motion which might turn out truely awesome. But these will need some more patience before I officially announce anything.

Back to the A-Team. When I was young I was an addict. I used to cry when I missed an episode (these were the days were there was no Internet available for streaming and my parents didn’t have a VCR). Life back then was pretty dismal. My parents were fighting every day, I was fat, nobody liked me (or at least that was what I thought) and I got bullied a lot. So these guys (as well as McGyver) became some sort of role model. Not because of being unable to hit people while shredding through a gazillion bullets without reloading. Because they don’t get bullied? Yep, thats one part. Much more important is probably that they were abandoned by society (as I sort of was by my parents) and that they look out for each other / became a family. They work together and care for each other.

B.A. doesn’t want to fly but if the shit hits the fan he lets the others drug him so they can escape/rescue somebody/whatever. He can’t change instantly, they can’t change him but they work out weird ways to make it work. Same for Murdock, certified lunatic for sure but they endure his character because they love him. And if they have to count on him he pulls himself together. Face’s Ego makes his company unbearable but deep down he is a really nice and decent guy. Hannibal on himself would probably be a drunkard, not knowing what to do with all his brains. Don’t get me wrong: I strongly believe in change and think everybody should work on themselves every day. But some stuff takes time, in rare cases even more time than a lifespan.

Hannibal is another strong reason for identifying: He always has a plan. Or several. They seldomly (ever?) come out as expected but he excels in improvising. Even if he ends up in a dead end, he pulls himself back together and doens’t stop plotting before he knows how get everything back to normal. I really like that, still today. Back in the day I just wanted to have a plan to get out of my misery and (hello McGyver) be able to fix the relationship of my parents. That one didn’t work out but I still like to have a good gameplan and to watch it coming together. Besides that I enjoy fixing stuff, even though I completely gave up on fixing humans I’m quite good in fixing anything technical.