"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain" -- Bene Gesserit "Litany Against Fear"
Lately I’m quite often confronted with fear. Not my own fears as well as the ones of friends and loved ones. People seem to fear good stuff because of bad stuff which happened to them. For example former relationships: They are forgetting all the good stuff because of all the bad stuff that happened. Instead of realizing that they own their feelings and are responsible for most of the shit they went through they blame the whole relationship business. This fear often leads to pushing away/dumping folks because they are coming too close or the relationship to them is becoming too intense. I’ve been pushed away for that exact reason for some times and lately got the lucky chance to talk about it with a good friend who has been dumping good guys for that reason for years. I guess I understand the mechanism quite well and that really helps to not holding a grudge for people running away from me. I now understand that it’s no use to put any expectations in people who are running away. I try to make myself understood to rule out any misunderstandings as good as possible and then let them run as far as they like. Surely I hope that they will come back eventually but I learned that chasing after them or putting any hopes in their return is just a waste of time and energy. I really like brave folks who admit and face their fears and work on them because that’s exactly what I’m doing right now. I’m sick of running. It doesn’t matter if you’re running away from something or to some distant goal. Most of the time it’s just exhausting and brings you nowhere. So I changed my tactics: I stand my ground. That doesn’t mean that I’ll stay in Hannover but it surely means I won’t leave unfinished business or run away from awkward situations.
I forgot the mentioned quote quite some time ago and was quite amazed hearing it by coincidence today. In the last year and a half I had to face some of my biggest fears. There was no place to run to so I faced them. It seems I really changed. I like what remained. If that’s the new me, I’m fine with it.